I was thinking about marriage today...
Wait, first of all, I want to apologize in advance to all of the brides, future brides, wedding enthusiasts, those girls that have had there wedding planned since they were 9, moms whose sole purpose in life is to marry off her child, and anyone else that I may have missed that might be offended by what I am about to say. That is not my purpose here, yet this post is probably not for you.
I was recently visiting my hometown after being gone for while when I ran into an older man that I used to go to church with. It would be very rude to say that this man is a gossipy moron with the sense of a peanut, so I will just say that he is less than tactful. He proceeds to ask the dreaded question plus some: if I'm married, why I'm not married, when am I gonna get married, how is it possible to be unmarried. Then repeated the same line of questions to my mother. Most people are more tasteful in approach, but the fact is many of them want to know the exact same thing. So, here I am to set the record straight.
First of all, I missed the "wedding gene" that most girls possess. This is why. I have sat through my share of weddings, and I know what people are thinking in the audience: why did she pick that dress/bouquet/song, how long is this going to last, I wonder what they are going to have to eat... I know people do it because I have been one of them. One of 300+ guests critiquing every move that is being made and discussing it in fervent detail with the person next to me. I have sat there and whitnessed these aquaintences make the most important decision of their life while counting the number of times the singer goes off key. You know you have too! It seems it has become a contest. Who can outdo whom, who can get the most people there, who can waste...I mean spend the most money. Not saying this is always the case, but yes, most of the time it is. So, no thanks. I'll pass. While some may use a monsterous wedding as a selling point for marriage, I will take the tiny meaningful, personal ceremony without the critics anyday. Heck, if it is the right person, it could be on the side of the road at a truck stop in the rain, and I would be happy. I don't want to miss the point.
Secondly, I don't know if I am on board with the whole marriage thing yet. It appears to me that most "love boats" are sinking ships. Happy pairs seem to be the exception and not the rule. I am scared to even look at what the divorce rate is now. Being a veteran of relationships myself, I know they are not always a picnic, but I just assume that when you pledge eternity to someone that you are sure that person is the one you want to "fight" with forever. I guess that is just me. And why I am not married. I have not found my "opponent" yet.
Another reason. I am an idealist. A dreamer. An optimist. A romantic. A head in the clouds kinda girl. I have tried to balance myself by surrounding myself with very pragmatic, logical people. Didn't help. So, I am holding out.
Lastly, and probably most simply said: I am not ready. Not only do I have a To Do list the size of Kansas (that includes but is not limited to living in Bali, feeding all the hungry children, and publishing a series of books..), but emotionally I feel about five, and those kindergarten marriages rarely work out. I am sure there is an arsenal of prayers being sent up daily that this maturation occurs quickly, so we will see what happens.
I bet you did not know this much about me. Truthfully, I don't know that I did either, but now I have it in writing. This will come in very handy when watching sappy rom-com's or during sudden bouts of intense lonliness. I also may have flyers drawn up for convenience when asked the question again...just to be thorough.
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